Divorce can be messy and complicated, but it’s especially difficult when you’re in an abusive situation. That’s why it’s so important to have a plan of action as you prepare to leave the marriage.
Before
anything else, contact a local family law attorney where you live and explain
the situation to them. Be as transparent as possible in your conversations so
they can best understand and advise you on what to do next. An attorney will also
be your guide in handling any fallout from the divorce. If you don’t already
have an attorney in mind, ask for a referral from someone you trust or check
with your local bar association’s attorney directory. If you don’t qualify for
legal assistance or can’t afford a lawyer, you may have to seek financial aid
from loved ones or find an attorney who is willing to work with you on an
installment plan.
Every
situation is different. If you and your partner are still living together and
they are physically violent towards you (or you feel threatened in some way)
then don’t wait to see what happens. Even if they are saying they’ll agree to
everything and sign papers for an uncontested divorce, don’t stay in a dangerous home. Get
out. Stay with family or friends or, if finances aren’t an issue, get a second
apartment for the duration of the divorce proceedings.
Alternatively,
you can contact a local domestic violence shelter for help. Staff from the
shelter can assess your situation and provide you with domestic violence
counseling. They may also have resources to support you during this trying
time, such as temporary housing or a court escort. Make sure you contact your
lawyer as soon as you decide to leave so they can counsel you on the next
steps.
Pack the
essentials before you leave. This includes, but is not limited to, important
documents (identification cards, social security cards, health insurance, and
credit and debit cards) and clothing. Try to get everything you’ll need so
there’s no reason for you to return to your spouse. If you get a new place of
your own during the divorce, keep your address hidden from your partner and
have any mail forwarded to a post office box. If harassment is a problem you
can change your number, get a prepaid cell phone, and install a security
system.
Once you’re
out of the house, go to court and file for a restraining order against your
partner. A restraining order can keep your partner from harassing you throughout
the divorce proceedings. Your attorney can help you with this or you can do it
on your own.
If you own
your home and your spouse won’t leave, a restraining order will also force them
out. Before you take this route, and if you feel it is safe to do so, speak to
your partner and request that they leave. You can also request an emergency
order from the court to give you exclusive occupancy of the home during the
divorce proceedings.
Unless your
attorney advises you otherwise, you should not have any direct interaction with
an abusive partner once you’ve decided to file for divorce and left the shared
residence. If contact is unavoidable, ask a friend or family member to come
with you. Not only can they lend you support when facing your spouse, but they
can also act as a witness if your partner lashes out in any way. Whatever else,
never confront your spouse alone.
In contested
divorce cases, your partner may try to drag out the case. They may refuse to
sign the papers if you are trying to do a cheap divorce by having them sign an agreement
before filing the divorce or they could just disagree on something trivial and
refuse to compromise. If this occurs, consult your attorney. With his or her
help, you may need to file a complaint, which will include the grounds for the
divorce. In Alabama, state law recognizes violence as a valid reason for
divorce.
Once you’ve
filed the complaint, your partner will have the chance to answer it and any
allegations made within. If there is still no agreement between the two
parties, the case could go to trial. This is where any witnesses, verbal
testimonies and other evidence (photographs of injuries, written journal, etc.)
you may have come into play. The court will consider such evidence when making
a final verdict on the case.
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